Best of Frenemies

It was a quiet day at the Mare Inebrium bar. Blanche is sitting at the bar eating her lunch, when the bar’s bouncer, Bruce walks by and looks at what she is eating.

“What’s that?” he asks nonchalantly.

“It’s from a new place that just opened up a few blocks from here. I don’t know what it is, but it’s good and I like it,” she says, taking a big bite of the dish.

Bruce looks over and comments, “At least they took out the eyeballs.”

“I HATE YOU!” she exclaims, slamming her fork down on the bar. Bruce walks away, chuckling to himself while Blanche glares at him.

Blanche just sits there, staring at her meal when Trixie walks up to her.” What’s up Blanche?” she asks.

“Oooohh, it’s that Bruce! Sometimes he really gets under my skin! Someone needs to teach him a lesson.”

“Got anything in mind? Something sneaky, devious and underhanded?”

“Yes. Will you help me?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, this is what we're going to do. I’m going to call in some favors,” she says, whispering into Trixie’s ear.

“Oh, I like that,” she replies quietly, listening to Blanche’s plan. Afterwards, she leans over and looks at Blanche’s lunch on the bar. “At least they took the eyeballs out.”

******

It’s a busy that night at the bar. Blanche and Trixie are both busy filling customer orders, Bruce is over at the bar talking with Max. Blanche passes by Trixie and gives her a nod, Trixie nods back. Time to put the plan in action.

At the other end of the room, Einstein, Stephen Hawking and a fifth dimensional being are having an energetic discussion. This was somewhat difficult since the being kept phasing in and out of this reality and losing track of the conversation.

Blanche serves them another round and smiles and nods at the fifth dimensional being. He smiles back at her.

Suddenly the quantum entanglement the fifth dimensional being is wearing gets loose and runs across the bar floor.

Blanche screams as it runs past her and goes under another table, startling the customers sitting there. Within moments the place is a bedlam, with the quantum entanglement running under tables or scampering over them, scattering drinks everywhere.

“Trixie! Get the containment unit and some quantum flux from the bar!” Bruce cries out.

Trixie gets the items and rushes quickly to Bruce, who is standing in the middle of the bar.

He places the trap on the floor beside him and opens the jar, waving it around the containment unit.

“Here, Kitty, Kitty” he calls out.

Attracted by the fluctuations of the atoms, the entanglement stops running around and slowly approaches Bruce.

“Nice Kitty, nice Kitty”, Bruce calls out, holding the flux just above the trap while the entanglement keeps approaching slowly.

Then just as it comes next to the trap, Bruce hits the button. The trap springs open and fireworks and sparkles shoot out of the trap. Within seconds Bruce is covered in glitter. He stands in the middle of the room, completely dumbfounded by what had happened.

The fifth dimensional being pulls out a mini black hole and the entanglement runs toward it, tossing it up in the air and playing with it.

Blanche walks over to Bruce still standing in the middle of the room, completely covered in glitter.

“Revenge is a dish best served with just desserts,” she says, smiling at him.

******

It’s a quiet day at the bar. Trixie is talking to Max when they see Bruce running out of the backroom with Blanche close behind, swinging a club at him.

“It was YOU! You put my profile on all those dating sites! Now my computer is clogged with messages! It’ll take days to clear them out!” Blanche yells, running after Bruce through the bar.

“Well, that’s payback for all those anchovy pizzas sent to my place! I HATE anchovies! Bruce cries out, barely ducking the club Blanche swings at his head. Frantic, he dashes behind a table to get away from his attacker.

“I swear, when I get my hands on you!” she cries out, lunging across the table at Bruce.

He barely evades her clutches and runs out the front door with Blanche close behind him.

Trixie and Max watch this tableau with mild interest.

“I swear, those two...” Max comments.

“Yeah, they’re not happy unless they're at each other's throats. My money is on Blanche.”

THE END

Bio: "I have submitted other stories for Aphelion as well as Schlock magazine. I have stories published in Of Poets, Spies and Unearthliness and Dickensian Steamfantasy-A very different 1800’s by Rogue Planet Press. I am now fully retired, and I can now write in my new home...

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